32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny by Phillip Done

Author:Phillip Done [Done, Phillip]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780743272391
Publisher: Touchstone
Published: 2005-07-19T07:00:00+00:00

ER

The other day I walked out to the front of the school and checked the sign on the front of the building. It said, “School.” I guess I really was in the right place. I thought maybe I had driven to the hospital by mistake.

You see, by the end of the day, I had held two bloody noses, wrapped a popsicle stick under a swollen finger, taken out a splinter, examined a bee sting, confiscated a pair of crutches, sent a kid home with a tummy ache, put on two Band-Aids, tightened an Ace bandage, signed a cast, and cleaned up after Ronny stabbed the ice pack with his scissors to see what was inside.

And that wasn’t all. At the end of lunch, I saw Patrick sitting in the office. I walked over to him and put my hand on his head.

“Hey, Patrick. What’s wrong?” I asked.

He looked up at me.

“I have to go home,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

“I have head lice.”

I ran to the bathroom.

Some kids are accidents waiting to happen. Take James, for example. James is not allowed to change Penelope’s water. In fact, James is not allowed near the sink. I don’t know why, but for some reason James likes to stick his finger up the faucet. About once a month I have to call the custodian and have him come down and grease James’s finger. Once we couldn’t get his finger out, so we sent him home with the faucet.

Kevin is on prepaid lunch. Actually, he is not allowed to have any more money at school. Kevin likes to stick coins up his nose. I’ve become pretty good at dislodging the coins. Dimes and pennies are a cinch. Nickels are a bit more difficult. Once, though, we had to take Kevin to the hospital. He had found a quarter.

Winter is a busy season here at school. This December Emily came running into my classroom at lunch screaming, “Mr. Done! Mr. Done!”

“What’s wrong, Emily?” I asked.

“Justin’s stuck.”

“Where is he?”

“On the monkey bars,” she said. “Hurry!”

I walked to the staff room, got some hot water, and walked out to the blacktop.

“OK, everyone,” I shouted. “Move aside.”

There was Justin, stuck to the monkey bars again.

“Justin, how many times have I told you not to lick the monkey bars?” I asked.

“Ji Thoo ma-me,” he said.

So I gave Speech 38: “And if Stephen told you to jump off a bridge, would you do that too?”

Last month Brian was playing on the monkey bars and fell off. He hurt his arm. It didn’t look too bad, but we decided it was probably a good idea to have a doctor look at it. We tried to call Brian’s parents, but couldn’t get ahold of them. So Cathy covered my class and I drove Brian to the doctor’s. I stayed in the waiting room while the doctor examined his arm. All of a sudden, Brian started screaming.

Gosh, I thought to myself, it’s worse than I thought. In a couple of minutes, the doctor came out to the waiting room.

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